


The Grey Area

by ShutUpGinger (Chameowmile)



Series: Old Stories [2016] [6]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: #First Order Problems, AU where they leave the first order, Hux is freaking out, Kylo is being self destructive, M/M, Slow Burn, and this fic will switch between POVs, extremely canon divergent, hux is an idiot so also temporary loss of force powers, it'll happen eventually though, probably, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chameowmile/pseuds/ShutUpGinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After allegedly killing his father, Kylo Ren falls into a state of mild disrepair, and in Hux's efforts to enforce his wellbeing, the two of them end up getting roped together in a needlessly chaotic scheme to escape the Order.</p><p>It's difficult to say who is more responsible for this escape plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I tried so hard, yet I'm lost and scarred

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title from "Oh What a Life" by American Authors, because I thought the song fit this chapter as I was writing it.
> 
> This was supposed to just be a one-shotted sick fic with Kylo being a mess, but like anything I write it refused to stay short once I started writing it.
> 
> #You know I've spent too much time staring at formatting when I don't even see it any more and only JUST noticed that I posted this as rich text instead of HTML

**-Hux-**

_Only_ Kylo Ren.

In an age of bacta tanks, high end equipment, and well-trained doctors, Kylo Ren has somehow managed to get an infection.

Or, more accurately, is acting like a child, and has refused to see _any_ medics since his return to the Finalizer.

He seems to think that he has this magical ability to heal himself, because force users are obnoxious like that, and the moment a medic droid even so much as _thought_ about treating him once they were on the Finalizer, he woke up, crumpled it like a tin can, and threw it so hard it broke a hole through the wall, nearly killing the trooper who was standing on the other side.

And if _that_ wasn’t enough, he then force-choked the doctor, shoved Hux into a wall, and petulantly stormed off, leaving a trail of blood in his wake.

Honestly.

The idiot has _no_ finesse.

If he thinks crawling away like a roach is more respectful than just letting a doctor fucking _look_ at him, he’s sorely mistaken, because that was pitiful, and were it not for the fact that Hux’s career now banks on this idiot’s life, he’d have given up on trying to get him out of this room days ago.

But because his career _does_ bank on his life, he’s been sending officers and troopers over periodically, to see if they can get him to at least _say_ something to verify that he’s alive, or, as is the more frequent outcome, get him to throw them into a wall, to verify that he's alive.

After he broke a troop’s collarbone though, and concussed another, it became obvious that Hux should really just go himself, before somebody dies and he has to explain why he kept sending them to check on the idiot after the first four throwing incidents.

The invisible fingers on his throat are a-lot weaker today and they don’t make much effort to actually hurt him, as he makes his way through the hall, and he finds that mildly reassuring.

And so, it takes little effort to override the door-scanner with his fingerprint, and enter the knight’s room.

Ren isn’t dead, apparently, but he’s meditating, and somehow paler than usual, as he sits cross-legged on his bed, in just a grey tanktop and some shorts, with his eyes closed.

His skin is oddly sallow, slick with a light sheen of sweat, and his right hand twitches against his thigh, in faint irritation, as he tries to choke Hux for entering his room.

The weight on the general’s throat, however, fades, rather than intensifies, and this fact seems to frustrate Ren to no end as he looks up and gives the man the death glare of all death glares.

Which is when it all clicks into place for the redhead.

“You’re too weak to use the force right now.” He realizes quietly, as the doors slide shut behind him, and they’re left in privacy.

Ren’s brows knit, and Hux notes the way it causes the red gash across his face to crinkle and whiten. Flecks of dried blood crackle against his skin, and the area itself is puffy with infection and filth.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you now?”

It occurs to Hux that this is the first time he’s ever seen the man without his armor on, and that he’s a bit more gangly than he’d anticipated, and quite a mess, though that’s probably not always the case.

His hair is oily and knotted, the grimy dust of Starkiller Base still caked to his skin and body, and his wounds have obviously not been treated as fresh blood seeps from the injury on his side, through his tank top.

The bedsheets are smeared with blood as well, dirty and rusty red, where he’s presumably been tossing and turning in his sleep. Assuming he's slept at all.

His clothing is lain in an unkempt pile at the foot of the bed, and his lightsaber is just rolling around on the floor with the ship’s movements like a forgotten relic.

Mature.

It’s broken, according to Ren, but he picks it up regardless, and tests its weight in his hand, finding it heavier than anticipated, as he strides around to the right side of the bed, where he sets it down on the nightstand.

“Are you now suicidal?” He asks eventually, straightening back out and turning to Ren on the bed. “Because I see no other explanation as to why you've left your wounds to fester in this manner."

“I’m not neglecting them.” He mutters back petulantly, crossing his arms like a child, even though that was never the point of the statement.

“Really?” Hux asks, unamused. “Because to me it doesn’t look as if you’ve so much as washed your face in three days."

"I never wash my face."

"Certainly explains a-lot."

Ren’s shoulders hunch forward at that, and in a voice nearly too quiet to hear, he asks, rather dejectedly, “Why do you even care?”

He sounds young, and boyish. That observation more than enough to annoy Hux to no end, as he balls his fists at his side, and steps forward, so that he’s facing the knight again.

“It is _my_ duty to take care of you and make sure you reach Snoke in one piece. As of such, if you end up _killing_ yourself because you’re too busy pouting and neglecting your wounds to treat yourself, then it’s _me_ who will have to answer for that!”

A look of disappointment flutters across the other man’s face, but aside from that, his reaction is very minimal.

“I’m fine.” He again repeats. Though this time, it doesn’t sound as if he’s talking to anybody in particular, as his gaze turns submissively down to the floor. “I healed the internal bleeding.”

“Well _good_ for you then!” Hux hisses, fists clenching tighter. “But it’s usually the _infection_ that kills people. So if I _may_ I would like to look at your wounds to gauge the damage this stupid fit has caused before you fucking _die_!”

At that, Ren looks up with a stupid expression of confused bafflement, and knits his brows. “But you have no training.”

“How insightful.” He scoffs, shaking his head as he turns away ever so slightly. “I’d take you to a real medic, but something tells me you’re still planning to be difficult on that matter.”

Ren wrinkles his nose up, and looks away grumpily.

“I thought I could do it.”

“Do what?!” He cries, frustrated and far too tired to be dealing with this shit right now.

“Heal.”

Hux grits his teeth, fists tightening again, and points sharply to the bed.

“Lie down, so I may treat your wounds, you imbecile.”

Ren flinches a little at that, but doesn’t argue, as he untucks his legs, and slowly moves back, so that he can lie down more comfortably, and be tended to.

He says nothing, and the redhead just fumes.

“Stay there." He orders sharply. "I’ll retrieve a med-kit from the sanitorium.”

And then he leaves.

***

Ren is boringly dry eyed and complacent when the general returns back to the room with a small medikit in tow, and is still just lying there.

Once Hux gets close enough to analyze the injuries, they all prove to be incredibly infected, as expected, and likely rather painful, though the redhead sees no reason in treating them with kid’s gloves. The idiot brought this upon himself. Now he can deal with the consequences of that.

And yet, Ren doesn’t speak or react at all, as Hux rubs some antiseptic into the wounds, scrubbing them clean with wetted cotton, and finally gives them an opportunity to drain as the scabs there are removed.

While he’d have taken some pleasure in making the knight squirm, he must admit, it’s nice to have him _not_ pitching a fit about it.

The general decides to save the bacta patches for when the infection is gone, and shoves them aside, moving instead to clean the left shoulder wound instead, which is bleeding still and will likely need stitches to close it.

Unexpectedly and loudly at that, Ren speaks.

“My mother is the one who taught me to heal.”

Hux jolts despite himself, not having expected the voice, but regains his composure quickly, clearing his throat with awkward haste while he resumes his healing.

“Did she now?” He grumbles back, though his interest _is_ a bit piqued. “A magic user too?”

“It’s an inherited trait.” He replies evenly, voice oddly emotionless.

“And is she proud of you?”

“I haven’t spoken to her since I was a child.”

His voice is thick with an obvious strife that indicates a poor relationship, and silence settles again.

Things progress in a surprisingly comfortable fashion as Hux continues his work.

He notices that Ren’s skin is pretty red in some places, and applies some gentle bacta lotion to them as an afterthought.

He’d guess they’re burns from the split in the landscape that Ren had been recovered from, venting heat and fire from Starkiller's core.

Silently, the redhead falls back into a rhythm of cleaning and bandaging, but the lull is again broken by Ren, who stares a bit numbly at the ceiling above them, as Hux prods at the wound in his side.

“Sometimes I miss my home.”

Hux swallows, but tries to keep his cool as he continues focusing on the injuries at hand.

“Odd. I _never_ miss mine.”

“Of course not. You like being in control.”

“And _you_ don’t?” He snorts, despite himself.

He shakes his head apathetically, still staring at that spot on the ceiling.

It doesn't look as if he's blinked in the past ten or so minutes. “I like being looked after.”

The answer is hardly surprising in retrospect, but it elicits a startled little noise from the back of Hux's throat regardless, as he looks up in shock at the Ren in his care.

“That’s pitiful.”

“ _I’m_ pitiful.” He grumbles back, as if that somehow explains everything ever. Which it very well might. “And I want to go home.”

Hux’s eyes widen, and he rears to his knees in a heartbeat, as if to cower from the other man's traitorous presence.

“Are you serious?!” He cries.

“I….want to go home.” He agrees, repeating the statement dumbly.

Hux scrambles off of the bed, moving further away from the offending knight's proximity.

“N….no you don’t! You can’t just say shit like that!”

“But I want to g-”

The general backhands him before he even realizes what he’s doing, breathing fast and hard as a loud slap echoes throughout the room, and the wound on Ren’s face splits open in a froth of blood and antiseptic.

“Y….you’re _ill_ and delusional.” Hux snaps back a bit too quickly as his heart races like a motor. “Just...lie down, before I sedate you!”

The general is shivering he thinks, despite his best efforts to remain calm, and the knight seems to notice that, as he climbs up onto his hands and knees, to the edge of the bed, and eyes him like a cat would its prey.

He senses the other man's panic, and when he finally speaks, the words that come out reflect that,

“Run away with me.”

It takes Hux a moment to interpret what has just been said, but even when he does, he still doesn’t quite believe it.

“Are you implying you’re going to desert?” He asks hoarsely. “ Because if you are, I _will_ have to report this.”

The knight’s eyes narrow, but he looks unconvinced, “The officers have been saying you deserted your post on Starkiller, and would have fled, even had the order not been given for you to do so.”

"Heresay!” He cries back, hysteria suffocating him like a blanket of insects. “I was simply discussing plans with the Supreme Leader!”

“Even as you were prepping an escape shuttle?” He inquires.

They _can’t_ know about that!

“I...I didn’t….I _wasn’t_ -!”

“Come with me, General.” Ren repeats, smirking despite the blood dripping down his face, and this time, Hux actually _does_ panic as he grabs the object nearest to him, which happens to be Ren’s saber from the nightstand, and, in a moment of poor judgement, brings the surprisingly heavy metal object crashing down onto the injured man’s head, knocking him out cold.

The knight’s shit-eating grin fades into a look of surprise, as he tumbles like a stone off the bed, and into a heap on the floor.

It occurs to Hux that he’s still shaking, and that he also may have just killed his only hope left in the world.

Okay, this is bad.

He doesn’t lose his cool.

Not like this.

Okay maybe a little bit, but that's only natural, right?!

This is bad, why did he ever come in here?!

He should’ve just left the man!

Let him treat his own wounds!

He snaps his gaze around frantically.

If anyone even _heard_ that conversation he’s doomed.

A knock sounding at the door nearly makes him jump out of his skin, and he drops the saber hilt like fire, as a voice filters through,

“General Snoke demands the presence of Lord Ren, sir.”

Mitaka.

Of course. He <Em>should</em> be the only one who knows Hux is here.

He glances back down at the unconscious man lying on the floor, and loses a few shades of his usual pallor. “Uh...unfortunately he’s currently sedated!” He lies frantically. “To keep him still for his recovery!”

“Ah...and should I inform Snoke of that?”

“No! Just tell him Ren is unavailable, alright?!”

“Of course, sir.”

“And is there...any other news?” He stammers, hoping his panic isn’t as obvious as he thinks it must be.

“No sir.”

He exhales sharply, some of his stress dissolving with it, as he regains a minor fraction of his usual regality.

“Very well, you’re dismissed, Mitaka."

***

Hux hasn’t really thought about starkiller base since it collapsed, but fifty eight hours of sleep deprivation, and the stress of his failure are starting to catch up to him now that everything’s begun settling back down.

He’s always been good at compartmentalizing things, but as he now lies beside Ren  in the silent room, his thoughts do wander.

_What are you going to do, now?_

The question burns at the back of his mind like fire, almost as if it's been whispered into his mind, as he feels the panic begin to well again.

What _will_ he do? He’s a disappointment, a failure, and his only way out of the Order now is to die in the line of action, or desert, and neither thought sounds particularly appealing.

He’s shaking still, from exhaustion perhaps, but more likely fear, as he glances over at Ren again in horror.

He _had_ intended to leave Starkiller base when it began to disintegrate, regardless of the orders he’d received, and Ren _knows_ that! _Everyone_ knows!

This is bad, very bad.

Snoke will know too.

And the moment they land, he’s gonna make sure to get rid of his traitorous ass.

Snoke wants Ren.

And once he gets Ren, he’ll be tying up his loose ends within moments!

He’s too young to die!

He sits upright again, breathing harshly, and makes a decision.


	2. I must confess I've made a mess, of what should be a small success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux SERIOUSLY needs to chill the frick out  
> Like, KYLO is the levelheaded one in this chapter, and he's not even being that level, so that's saying something.  
> ~  
> Also some Poe Dameron, cause plans have shifted ever so slightly from my outline, and I wanted to use him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, the working title for this fic was, "Two Idiots In a Tin Can"  
> You'll see why soon.  
> Chapter title from Courtney Barnett's "Pedestrian at Best"
> 
> I'll figure out how to edit stories on my own eventually #should probably start using a beta

**-Hux-**

It turns out being general makes it pretty easy to get away with shit.

  
No wonder so many high-ranking officers get charged with embezzlement and misconduct.

  
Hux orders all of the troopers out of the hangar bay, barely needing to offer an explanation for it as he makes them all go retake a virtual simulation, and finds himself completely alone in a matter of seconds.

  
His intentions are to steal a command shuttle - Kylo’s preferably - because they’re often well-stocked for emergencies, and contain the best defensive equipment money and prestige can buy, but if push comes to shove he could probably settle for something lesser.

  
Not entirely sure what Kylo will and won’t want to keep, he just shoves everything he finds in the man's room into some bags, and stuffs them all aboard the shuttle while he still has the opportunity to.

  
From his _own_ room, he only grabs a change of casual clothes, his coat, and some spare credits.

  
Obviously they won’t be very subtle flying around in a First Order ship, or he with his uniform, but they can sell it all easy, and get less conspicuous replacements later.

  
He pulls his coat on, shoves his extra clothing into a small bag at his side, and pockets the credits, before he makes his way back down the hall to Kylo’s room, where he finds Mitaka waiting in front of the door again, and fiddling with the door panel.

  
The man looks a little befuddled, like he can’t figure out why he can’t get the security door to open with his measly fingerprint, but snaps to attention when he hears Hux coming down the hall.

  
“Sir!” He calls, saluting. “Lord Ren and yourself have been requested in the holochamber again. I believe it’s important.”

  
Hux comes to a stop.

  
He’d forgotten all about that.

  
And now _he’s_ wanted too?

  
Great. He’s probably gonna be force-tortured or something.

  
“Right.” He grits weakly, leaning back on his heels. “Tell Snoke we’ll accompany him in a few moment.”

  
“Yes sir.”

  
The moment the lieutenant has left, however, Hux is back in Kylo’s room with no intention of taking him to Snoke, and is pulling the concussed man up into his arms for immediate transfer to the ship.

  
He's lighter than even the last time the general had to carry him, but still unwieldy, with as surprisingly gangly as he is.

  
Kylo stirs a little, but aside from a slight flutter of eyes, doesn’t do much more.

  
Good, since he’ll probably strangle Hux the second he wakes up, and that'd be kind of counterproductive right now.

  
It occurs to him that there’s really no reason why he has to bring the idiot along, but he pushes the thought away, telling himself that it could be useful to have him on board since he’s rumored to be a good pilot.

 

**-Ren-**

  
He dreams of his youth.

  
There were happy times, even if he’s often in denial about them, and some of those were particularly silly.

  
He dreams of the time he stole his uncle Luke’s speeder and tried to race Poe Dameron, only to crash into a tree and break his hand, and in effect, he dreams of crying, and forgetting all about the fun he had had prior to that point.

  
He dreams of learning to shoot a bow with Chewie, and crying again when he accidentally killed a bird.

  
Or, more accurately, intentionally killed a bird, and then regretted it immediately.

  
That seems to be a trend.

  
He wakes with an unpleasant jolt, the scent of seared flesh cloying at his nose, and realizes that he’s being held.

  
He hears blaster fire, and flinches, expecting the usual shot to the side that generally follows that dream, and winces, when the dull ache of it tells him that he must be awake.

  
It doesn't come as he hears somebody yelp in surprise above him.

  
Hux.

  
Interesting. The blasts stop suddenly, but he faints again before he can see what caused the change.

***

When he wakes, he’s sitting in a dark, cold room, with the vague impression of having been knocked out by something, and the inkling suspicion that he’s lying on the floor of a shuttle.

  
He squints, all of this making irritating parallels to his rescue from Starkiller base, and sits up blearily, head aching a bit more than usual as he notices Hux dashing madly around like an idiot, trying to operate the control panels by himself.

  
“What are you doing?” Kylo asks weakly, rubbing his head.

  
Hux freezes, apparently not having expected him to speak so soon, but gets over it soon enough, as he instead resorts to frantically waving and pulling at his hair.

  
“I don’t know! How do you work this thing?!”

  
Kylo rubs a hand over his face and sighs.

  
Ah.

  
It’s all coming back now.

  
Hux hit him with his lightsaber.

  
“I’ll do it.” He responds hoarsely, deciding revenge can wait until after he's figured out what's going on.

  
The redhead looks a little disgruntled, as Kylo sinks into the pilot's chair, and settles down into one of his own, a few feet away, curling into himself like a frightened kid.

  
“I know it’s _possible_ to run this thing with one person.” He mumbles sheepishly. “But I’ve never seen it done, and if we don’t hurry soon they’re gonna wake up and start shooting again.”

  
Wake up?

  
Kylo lacks the energy or motivation to ask, so he instead starts pressing buttons relatively slowly, trying to remember what combinations he’s seen the pilots use in the past to get this thing running, and forces himself to stay focused.

  
“Where should we go?” He asks flatly.

  
Hux's eyes go owlishly wide. “You don’t know?!”

  
“How _could_  I know?”

  
The redhead swallows, hands wringing, and shakes his head jerkily.

  
“Somewhere away from here.”

  
He gives no further instruction.

  
With a sigh, Kylo types some familiar coordinates in, though he can’t recall exactly where they go at the moment, and then, with a wave of his arm, tries to activate all of the switches that he needs to, to get the engine running.

  
They don’t do anything.

  
Great.

  
He goes back to pushing them all manually, much to Hux’s chagrin, and it's only once the shots start ringing out again that he finally gets everything in working order.

 

**-Hux-**

  
The ship is set to hyperdrive less than three minutes later, and Hux finds himself a little stunned, but not quite ready to relax, as Ren stands from his seat.

  
“There.”

  
“A...are we safe?” He asks hopefully.

  
He doesn't answer.

 

Tired and indifferent to their fate, the knight instead gets up to move, but Hux hops right up after him.

  
“Wait!" He cries, grabbing the man's arm as he tries to depart. "I can’t fly this thing!”

  
Kylo jerks his arm away furiously and glares down at him, sick of the hysteria already. “Kriffing relax! I'm just going to the other room!"

  
“B….but-

  
“Nothing will happen to us until we’re out of hyperspace.” He snaps. “The ship is on autopilot. Stop freaking out.”

  
He swallows, because that’s not as reassuring as it should be, and shrinks a little under the knight's gaze.

  
They were working on a weapon that could freeze a ship’s trajectory in hyperspace. It’s not in widespread use yet, because it’s so far proven to just disintegrate any ships it stops, and everything inside, but he can't see any reason why they _wouldn't_ want to do that to them!

  
They just betrayed the first order!

  
“For fuck’s sake!” Kylo cries, suddenly snapping him back to reality. “Your thoughts are too damn noisy!"

  
Kylo looks pissed, but before Hux can even start babbling, he knocks him out with a swift blow to a pressure point. Kylo sighs.

 

**-Poe Dameron-**

  
With his ship containing one of the better cloaking devices, Poe Dameron is not surprised when he finds himself assigned to a reconnaissance mission around the Finalizer, and is told to circle it like a bird, until he finds a weakness.

  
All communication equipment has been disabled in his ship, to prevent tracking, so he has no way to contact the rebellion if he gets into trouble, but he's not worried. In addition, the only navigational tools he has are so old that the order wouldn’t even _think_ to scan the area for their signatures.

  
For the most part, the reconnaissance goes quickly and swiftly, with no obvious points of weakness on the ship outside of the usual, outside of the fact that they haven't sensed him at all and that fact holds a-lot of potential for a surprise attack on the resistance's part.

  
Near the end of his study, though, as he’s nearing the Eastern hangar, the sound of laser fire reaches his ears, and his hackles rise, as he braces for an impact that never comes.

  
When he rounds the corner, he spots Kylo Ren’s command shuttle, and immediately swerves away, assuming that it must be the source of the sound, but instead, comes to find that it’s the shuttle _itself_ that’s being targeted by the ship’s blasters, not him.

  
It bolts into hyperspace almost immediately, but that doesn’t keep Poe from grinning about it.

  
Maybe another trooper hijacked a ship like Finn did.

  
If so, they sure picked a flashy way to do it.

  
He steers his ship away, and determines that this is something worth noting.

  
Perhaps they’ll get another friendly on their side.

  
If they could get a functional First Order ship in their hands, that would certainly be something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a serious note, I appreciate all of the positive feedback I've been receiving, and can honestly say I haven't been this happy writing for a fandom since Homestuck, which was like, three years ago, and am glad to finally be out of an apparent writer's block that's been ongoing since before the dinosaurs went extinct.  
> I love all of your comments and every new kudos makes my trash heart go pitter-patter.
> 
> Next Chapter: Kylo teaches Hux how to be a thug, and the Rebellion finds out about their desertion


	3. Some Birds Just Aren't Meant to be Caged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than expected because I started work on a second story about Ben which I will hopefully start posting soon uvu  
> Title from Luck by American Authors  
> -This chapter has exciting things like Hux being a degenerate, Kylo smoking something illegal, and Rey spying on Kylo's thoughts because she feels like it  
> Note: If you haven't seen Clone Wars, that's where Rotta comes from. He's the son of Jabba and was kidnapped during the series, so that Anakin and his apprentice were obligated to save him and bring him back home.

**-Kylo-**

  
He probably could have used like, a week longer to recover from his injuries.

  
But you know, whatever, Hux felt like freaking out and doing things the crazy way.

  
He can respect that.

  
He rests back in the hammock that he’s strung up, looking up at the ceiling as he kicks Hux’s bunk for leverage and tries to lull himself to sleep with the rocking, though he knows it won’t work.

  
They landed a little while ago, in a shady little outpost that will serve as good cover for them, so it's just a matter of waiting for the ex-general to get up.

  
Again, though, Hux is still sleeping, so that’s annoying.

  
He sighs, and kicks again, propelling himself back as he closes his eyes.

  
His head feels gross now. Hollow and tinny and a little bit achy, but they apparently have no painkillers on this ship so he’s just been dealing with it since it started hurting.

  
He didn’t really sleep well last night either - never does - but he did pass out at one point, he thinks, so that’s probably something to worry about.

  
Eh, just a little bit of brain damage.

  
He’ll live.

  
He kicks the bed again, but this time a hand grabs his foot from below and holds it there so that he can’t finish his swing.

  
He snaps his eyes open to glare down at Hux, who seems somewhere caught between a migraine and sleep deprivation as he grits his teeth and pushes Kylo away, long enough to get out of the bunk without getting kicked.

  
“You’re so noisy.”

  
”As are you. Your nightmare’s are pure cacophony.”

  
“Fuck off, you can’t hear my thoughts.”

  
It’s true, for the moment, but Kylo doesn’t say that out loud, instead bringing the hammock to a stop as he climbs out.

  
“Don’t have to, you talk in your sleep.”

  
His eyes widen in apparent horror at that, but he steels his expression quickly, responding with a simple, “Fuck you, Ren. Just tell me if we’ve landed.”

  
“We have.” He concedes quietly. “Which means we need to put together some aliases and fix ourselves down.”

  
“Fix ourselves down?”

  
“Can’t go wandering around looking like rich First Order officers.” He agrees, smirking. “Though _I_ probably won’t have to do much, considering I haven’t washed my hair in a week.”

  
“I can’t believe I listened to an idiot like you.” He mutters back, as Kylo pulls his hair up into a messy bun, and strides past.

  
He's already changed into some casual clothing, which he picked up during a quick run through the market while Hux was sleeping.

  
A leather pilot’s jacket, a cowl, sunglasses, and no cloak in sight.

  
“I brought your robes.” Hux points out, looking to find the new outfit rather distasteful. “They’re just in the back.”

  
Kylo scoffs at that thought. “Robes? It’s a thousand degrees out there. I’d die.”

  
“You’ve never complained about it before.” He retorts, moving to fix his hair in a small mirror hanging on the wall, only to have Kylo stop him by grabbing his arm.

  
“I said dress _down_ , leave the hair. Also don’t shave.”

  
“But _you_ shaved!”

  
“I look the same either way.” He retorts, rolling his eyes. “Whereas _you_  go from a smuggler to a posh aristocrat in seconds.”

  
Hux glares over at him, but, after fixing his bed-head a bare minimum, gives up.

  
“Fine.”

  
He reaches for his greatcoat, but Kylo intercepts it.

  
“Wear it inside out. Over your casual clothes. No one needs to see your stripes.”

  
“Why are we going undercover in the first place?” Hux snaps back, just forgetting the coat and instead pulling off his uniform altogether, which he apparently fell asleep in. “You don’t expect me to believe that Snoke doesn’t know exactly where we are.”

  
“He doesn’t. Until my abilities come back. He won’t be able to sense me.”

  
“What makes you so sure?”

  
“Well, we’ve been here two days and he hasn’t shown up yet, so there’s that.”

  
“Two days?!” He cries. “And you didn’t feel the need to tell me?! Where are we even at?!”

  
“Tattooine.” He responds fondly, with the stupid look on his face that he only ever gets when he’s thinking about Darth Vader. “Figured we could sell some things and hang around for a while.”

  
“Of course you did.” He mutters, grabbing a sweater from his own small bag, since he never quite owned anything lighter on Starkiller, and pulls it on with a pair of pants that he hadn’t realized don't fit him until now.

  
He thinks they belong to Phasma.

  
Why are they so damn tight?

  
She’s bigger than him.

  
Ugh, he’ll get a new pair later.

  
As he’s pulling his boots back on though, a smirk crosses Kylo’s features, and for a second, he expects a comment about the trousers.

Instead, he just says, “Polished leather. You could get quite a deal for those.”

  
Hux scowls. “I’m not selling my boots.”

  
“Oh come on, they’re not even comfortable. You complain about them constantly.”

  
“I’m not selling them!” He retorts.

  
“Whatever you say, Ginger. Tell me when you change your mind."

"I won't!"

 

**-Hux-**

  
He changes his mind.

  
These boots are _not_ made for sand. He’s twisted his ankle twice already, and is now hobbling like an idiot while Ren drags him around the trading post for supplies.

  
It’s been three hours since they left the ship, so his feet are hot and blistered, and the fact that he was assigned a pair too small in the first place isn’t helping.

  
“What about this pair?” Ren asks, tapping some black, knee-high riding boots in interest, as he studies a shoe stall.

  
“I’m not wearing somebody else’s used shoes.” He mutters back, studying a food stall nearby instead as he tries to ignore the sting of the wind on his face.

  
He’s starving.

  
Somebody touches his arm and he growls at the Rodian woman waiting beside him.

  
“What the hell do _you_ want?!”

  
She rolls his eyes in response to this as she mutters incoherently in a language he doesn't understand.

  
“She wants your boots.” Ren calls from over her shoulder.

  
Hux scowls. “Well too bad, cause they aren’t for sale!”

  
The knight, however, just smiles. “Already sold them.” He returns, now holding the riding boots. “Take them off. These will be better for you.”

  
Irritated, but too tired to argue, Hux sits down heavily, glowering at the man all the way, and starts pulling them off.

  
She takes his boots once he's done, and Ren hands him the new ones, bringing the mild heel on them to his attention.

  
“I’m six feet tall. I don’t need fucking heels.” Hux hisses, frustrated.

  
He’s obviously stifling a laugh.

  
“Unfortunately it’s hard to find men’s sizes for you, so you’re gonna have to deal with it. But hey, think of it as being one inch closer to my equal.”

  
The _nerve_!

  
He grumbles under his breath as he irritably pulls them on, and the woman, apparently the owner of the stand, starts polishing and fiddling with his old pair a few feet away.

  
These ones  _are_ more comfortable at least. A little too _big_ , but that’s better than nothing, as they prove to be a-lot more stable in sand than his other pair, despite the heel.

  
He doesn’t give Ren the satisfaction of knowing this, however, and is determined to maintain his foul mood a bit longer.

  
They start walking again, but after about five minutes of not stopping even once, Hux starts getting worried.

  
“Okay. Where are we going?”

  
Ren smirks.

  
“Best place there is to borrow money, as a couple of guys on the run.”

  
“Don’t tell me- oh no, we are _not_ visiting the slug!”

  
“Rotta is…neutral. Just like his father was. And that makes him our only current option to get supplies from.”

  
“Last time I spoke to a Hutt he got me drunk and had a woman steal my shuttle! I was stranded for a week!”

  
“So don’t drink the mix.” He snorts, clearly finding the idea amusing. “Just follow my lead, you priss.”

  
Hux begrudgingly does as he's told.

  
As they near the Hutt den, his panic at being somewhere so shady starts to well, and it's only Ren's speaking that breaks him from his own thoughts.

  
“Also, we still need aliases.”

  
“Aliases?” The ex-general squeaks.

  
“We can’t be Kylo Ren and Brendol Hux, dumbass." He mutters, with a roll of his eyes.

  
Hux growls at that. “My first name isn’t Brendol!” He knows he sounds like a child when he says it, but has chosen not to care. “And if that’s the game you’re playing, what name are _you_ gonna use?”

  
Ren smiles.

  
“Ben.”

  
“ _Ben_?! You’ve gotta be kidding me. That's just your name with a B!"

  
Ren scoffs indifferently.

  
“Shut up Brendol.”

  
"It's Cameron!"

  
“What the fuck kind of name is _Cameron_?”

  
“ _My_ name you asshole!”

 

**-Kylo-**

  
The air is thick with noise and incense, hotter in here than it was even out there, and muggy with bodies of every variety.

Kylo loses track of Hux quick, but doesn't worry too much, since he'd probably know if the other man got caught in a skirmish..

 

  
He looks around for any sign of Rotta in the den, and relaxes a bit, always having felt more comfortable in these sorts of places than in the expensive ones that most First Order officers like to relax in.

  
Rotta likes to watch visitors come in on a camera, and has always had an interest in Kylo, so it shouldn't be long before he comes out. As the son of the woman who killed Rotta's father, and the grandson of the man who saved _him_ personally from kidnapping, it's always a toss up between whether the Hutt holds a grudge or not.

  
Today seems to be a good one, and as the noise dies down, and Rotta comes slithering out from his lair in the back, everyone starts looking around for he who has earned such an appearance.

  
It's then that the knight finally spots Hux, who seems to have taken poorly to Kylo’s advice and is sitting at the bar sipping something purple as he watches on with disgust.

  
Rotta doesn’t seem to notice, even though he catches Hux’s gaze easily, causing the man to flinch, and instead turns to Kylo with an ugly grin. “Ben! I hear you've done something _truly_ despicable this week.”

  
He forces a smile.

  
“You’ll have to be more specific than that, old friend.”

  
Rotta’s eyes land on the only flaming redhead in the room, once more, and Hux shrinks back against the bar, downing his drink more quickly.

  
“Kidnapped an important general, I hear.” Rotta looks amused, and adds. “Doesn’t look like the face of a man who destroyed five planets, if you ask me.”

  
Kylo snorts despite himself.

  
“No. He’s off his tranquilizers. There's usually a lot more blank staring, on his part.”

  
“You always were a funny one."

 

**-Hux-**

  
Ren is smoking something.

  
Literally what the hell.

  
The _last_ thing he needs is a stoned Kylo Ren.

  
Hux glowers at him as he and the Hutt talk in an irritatingly pleasant manner about their plans for their First Order contraband and ship.

  
The two of them seem to have some kind of annoying family connection that Hux doesn’t understand, and that’s making everything move so goddamn slowly, so that now he’s just left here sitting with a mug of some kind of gross grog that he doesn’t remember buying and is now trying to follow the proceedings.

  
Rotta has no trouble referring to Ren as Ben, so that means he’s apparently used the name in the past, in this location, which is a baffling prospect, because why would he use a _known_ alias? That kind of defeats the purpose of it.

  
“So can I buy the firestick this time?” Rotta asks, jerking Hux out of his daze as he sees Ren pulling his lightsaber out from the inside of his coat.

  
“It’s unstable. I need to repair it.”

  
“Well _I_ can have it repaired.” He chuckles, though it’s obvious he hadn’t been serious anyway.

  
Ren smirks.

  
“Not the same one you like anyway. I lost track of Anakin’s saber a long time ago.”

  
He looks disappointed, but instead of furthering that line of thought, just smiles again.

  
“I’ll begin organizing your sales _immediately_.”

  
And so the knight smirks right back. “We’ll get our stuff off of the ship, and come back to see who’s interested, then.”

  
“Wise.” He agrees, though the look he then casts at Hux is laced with skepticism. “Though I think _this_ one should stay. He’ll make your efforts tedious.”

  
The ex-general casts him a dirty look, but Ren is smiling now.

  
“I wondered how many shots would get him wasted. Six seems to be his limit.”

  
“I’m barely even tipsy.” He retorts, trying to stand, but instead only succeeds in falling to the floor like a wretch.

  
Okay maybe _a-lot_ tipsy.

  
Ren climbs out of his seat, and strides past him with a laugh, not so much as offering to help him up as he leaves the room.

  
By the time the redhead has managed to drag himself back upright, he finds that Rotta is looking at him, and growls impatiently.

  
“What do you want?”

  
“You were their general, right?" He chuckles knowingly. “Surely you have access to First Order banks?”

  
Hux groans.“Oh hell no!”

 

**-Kylo-**

  
Though he’s never been much for drugs, he’s initially quite grateful for whatever was in that pipe, even though he'd only accepted it out of politeness.

  
It’s left him calm, in a way that makes him think Hux could probably benefit from it, and has pushed the pain of his injuries almost entirely from his mind, as he runs around the ship packing up supplies and piling them by the ramp.

  
He’s not sure how long he does this for, but the nice effects of the drug apparently don't last forever, and by the time he’s finishing up, the pain is back and worse than before, to the point that his teeth chatter.

  
He suspects the hypersensitivity is an intended side effect of it, meant to be used recreationally. An aphrodisiac, perhaps, though right now he just wants to curl up and forget he ever existed.

  
There’s also, of course, the possibility that whatever it was wasn’t meant for human consumption anyway, and that he’s gonna regret this a whole lot more in the coming hours.

  
With a swallow, he decides that it would probably be best to just look at his injuries right now, and so he tracks down the bottle of Nullicaine he’s been using for the past few days, in the absence of his force abilities, and lies down on Hux’s bed.

  
It smells like the man, and he has to tell himself that the only reason he grins at that is because the drug is making him more sensitive to scents too.

  
It does smell nice though. Musky, and warm. Not at all unpleasant. 

  
He allows himself to mellow in the scent for a bit, since it proves helpful in distracting him from the pain of his injuries as he unwraps the one on his side, Nullicaine bottle between his teeth, and tries not to faint.

  
The infection has begun to fade a bit, but with the absence of even the natural healing that the force allows him, it’s now a fifty-fifty shot between it flaring back up again and killing him, or fading peacefully away and healing.

  
He closes his eyes and exhales.

  
He certainly _deserves_ the first scenario.

  
***

  
When he finally _finally_ returns to the Hutt den a bit later, feeling shaky and a little unwell, he curses quietly.

  
He should have known better than to leave the drunk with the Hutt. Honestly.

  
“What are you idiots doing?” He grumbles, dropping down beside the two of them as they sit beside some kind of weird unregistered datahub. Hux is typing in some kind of information, but it all goes over his head.

  
“Splitting profits.” He mumbles, looking far more sober than he has any right to.

  
Three seconds later, he smiles, and pulls away from the computer, turning to Rotta.

  
“Well, looks like the First Order has been officially screwed over."

The Hutt laughs and buys Hux another drink.

**_*The following Morning*_ **

“Where’d we get credits from?” Mumbles Hux drowsily, as he studies the thirty or so credits on his bedside through bleary eyes.

  
Kylo just shrugs.

  
“Maybe it was that girl who stole your ship.”

  
“Huh?” He mumbles. “Somebody stole my ship?”

  
Kylo laughs loudly at that, but presumably having little patience for his coming quip, Hux just rolls over onto his side before he has a chance to say anything, and tries to go back to sleep on their new shuttle's bed.

  
It’s a real bed, rather than a bunk, and Hux freezes, running his fingers over the sheets in bleary eyed confusion.

  
“Mm.” He mumbles, relaxing a bit. “Guess it was all a bad dream.”

  
And then he’s snoring again.

  
Kylo realizes that the man has mistaken the room of their new shuttle to be his old one on the Finalizer and almost feels bad for the guy.

  
However, the temporary sense of security it’s given Hux will keep Kylo from getting another migraine at the hands of Hux’s unnecessarily frantic sleepmumbling, and so, he takes the pleasant lull as an opportunity to get some sleep after having been forced to deal with a drunk all night.

  
Both of them are clean now, this ship having its own ‘fresher, which Kylo forced Hux into last night, and so, not even the distraction of grime and sweat can interrupt his rest as he curls up on the bed beside Hux, back turned to the man despite the vulnerability of that, and bundles up.

  
He realizes his mistake only when Hux throws his arms around him, and nuzzles into his spine, like his bony, fever-hot form is somehow a comfortable presence to the man in his drunken stupor.

  
The knight is too exhausted to shake him off, though, and so, that’s how he ends up falling asleep, a whisper of, _“Guess you’re not so alone after all”_ , echoing in his mind as his consciousness fades.

 

 **-The Rebel Base-**  
**-Rey-**

  
Rey had been able to sense Kylo Ren’s force signature on and off for a few days after their battle. A weak thing trembling with pain, fear, and illness, before it somehow got snuffed out, waking her from her sleep with a jolt in the middle of the night.

  
Despite everything, it had frightened her.

  
She’d chosen not to bring it up with Leia, or Han, deciding if it was nothing, that there was no reason to frighten them like that.

  
It wasn’t until later when she discovered that Kylo Ren and General Hux had both deserted, that she mentioned her observations.

  
Upon the evening of discovering this news, Rey had decided to meditate, and make an effort to pinpoint the knight. More out of curiosity than for political reasons.

  
For the most part, sensations are all that come through. The warmth of the sun, a mellow high, sand on bare soles, _pain_ which slowly fades from existence, fear, exhaustion, and then surprise, before finally, _finally_ Kylo curls up for a decent rest.

  
The sensation of being held by someone else nearly startles her out of her meditation, until she realizes that it’s not _her_ who’s being touched by this loving, warm form, but rather Kylo.

  
She smiles despite herself, “Guess you’re not so alone after all,” and sighs, deciding she should get some rest to.

  
She momentarily wonders if it would be wise to mention Kylo’s partner to general Organa or not.

  
Obviously it’s a cute prospect overall. But once one considers the fact that Kylo is a bitter sweet topic in general, and that the other man is likely general Hux, mass murderer extraordinaire, the reality of things is put back into perspective and the idea of two criminals loving one another just adds an unnecessary layer of “humanity” to them, come the day they’re brought in.

  
She decides to keep it to herself.


	4. I'm all out of clever song quotes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week on: Hux get's the shit knocked out of him by an unlikely suspect.
> 
> Also I changed Hux's first name to Cameron for those of you who aren't aware
> 
>  
> 
> #Minor emetophobia warning for this chapter

**-Resistance Base-**  
**-Rey-**

  
It seems that their biggest topic of discussion right now is how to get Ben back home now that he’s apparently deserted the First Order. These discussions, however, are private, generally with just Han, Leia, and a few others present, and haven't gone too far past simple speculation at the present time.

  
“I don’t think he realizes you’re alive.” Rey points out quietly to Han, who sits sipping his caf across the meeting table, as she reflects back on the emotions that she had felt welling in the man’s son after their departure from Starkiller base. “You could surprise him again.”

  
Han opens his mouth, but Leia cuts him off with a sheepish laugh.

  
“I think we already know why that’s an awful idea.”

  
Rey laughs a little too, despite herself.

  
“Suppose you’re right about that.”

  
It was honestly dumb luck that the man survived. Kylo’s blade had just barely avoided anything inoperable, and had Rey not sensed Han's presence just before leaving the planet, she would not have found the man at all, resting unconscious on the edge of a maintenance ledge beneath the bridge.

  
After retrieving Chewie, they managed to get Han out just before detonating the bombs and destroying Starkiller base completely.

  
Since then, plans to get Ben back have been underway.

  
Poe Dameron speaks up for the first time all evening, looking a bit grim, as he likely thinks about Finn still resting in the med-bay.

  
“Regardless of whether or not he’s deserted, we don’t really know if he’s _changed_. He didn’t come back to us, and he didn’t go back to the Order, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still a criminal, or hurting people, and we can’t just waive all of his past actions for an alleged desertion that we don’t know much about. For all we know, this is false info, or he’s going off on his own to wreak havoc on the jedi order again.”

  
“We’ll monitor his actions once we figure out where he went.” Leia concedes. “And if he’s still hurting people, I will put an end to it, myself.”

 "But you shouldn't have to."

 

 **-Elsewhere**  
**-Kylo-**

  
Kylo wakes with a jolt, breathing fast and hard as he snaps his gaze around the room in search of danger - the last vestiges of a bad dream fading to the back of his mind.  
But not _his_ dream.

  
He squints over blearily, as Hux thrashes and whimpers beside him, fighting against the attackers in his dreams.

  
The knight attempts to reach out to his mind, but finds that while he can still feel the man’s dream somewhat, he isn’t actually using the force to do so, and that Hux is broadcasting it all on his _own_ somehow.

  
And as Kylo’s vision adjusts even further, he sees that Hux is clawing frantically at his throat, pain and pressure roiling off him in waves, as blood drips from his nose and his breathing stutters.

  
A force choke?

Kylo scrambles to attention immediately.

 

**-Hux-**

  
Hux wakes shaking and wheezing to the sensation of Ren holding him against his chest, and rubbing warm circles into his back.

  
“Just breathe.” Soothes the knight quietly, as Hux hiccups to regain control over his oxygen intake.

  
His nose hurts, like he got punched in the face, and his eye aches too, like it’s bruised. He winces, still hyperventilating weakly as Kylo starts to gently dab the swelling wounds with a damp bacta-soaked cloth.

  
The cloth is bloody, Hux realizes, as is the front of Ren’s tunic, where his face had been pressed just moments before.

  
He feels sick, and tries to pull away weakly.

 

**-Kylo-**

  
He really should have expected this.

  
Even injured, Hux is still fucking hungover, and even not, he’s always had a weak stomach around blood.

  
Kylo grimaces, stripping his dirtied tunic away from his body, before tossing it aside, and stepping into the ‘fresher to wash his skin clean of the man’s blood and vomit.

  
It's odd, being so helpless to Snoke’s apparent onslaught that he couldn’t even _sense_ the other force user in action, and it’s honestly a relief that the attack stopped once Hux woke up, because he’s not sure what he would have done had it continued.

  
He’s wary of leaving Hux alone now, but if the attack was anything to go by, then Snoke is purposely fucking with him and is probably just trying to scare him shitless for some reason, so the attacks will probably be kept to a minimum or to his sleep.

  
Before Kylo had left, Hux had bundled himself up in some blankets in the cockpit, and had only allowed Kylo to touch him minimally before kicking him out to wash up and change his clothes.

  
Kylo isn’t entirely sure what Hux thinks happened, but he hasn’t said anything about it outside of a mumbled, “My father used to sedate me because of this.” and then a, “Guess I’ll have to pick up more sleeping pills.”

  
It doesn’t seem as if he realizes that the force was involved in the attack, however, and Kylo gets the feeling that he thinks he really did actively choke himself out in his sleep somehow.

  
Kylo attempts to reach out to the other man with that thought, but again, comes up with a block, as the force still refuses to work for him, and a sinking dread settles in the pit of his stomach.

  
He’s gonna have to see someone about his loss of force. But with most of the knowledgeable force sensitives in the galaxy having been killed, it’ll be hard to find someone who can even help.

  
Maybe it’ll come back on its own.

  
He’s probably still a bit concussed.

  
It’s only a matter of time, right?

  
He washes up quick, a little annoyed that he’s had to shower twice in such a short span of time and will probably end up drying his skin out, and goes to dry off.

  
With the force, he can usually just wick himself dry, but without it, he has to do things the manual way, which is awful to his hair, and makes it frizz.

  
He has no idea who the fuck he inherited his damn curls from, but if he’d guess it was probably Solo, since _all_ of his shittiest physical traits seem to come from that obscure side of the family. From his stupid horse nose to his stupid freckles - and everything in between.

  
He huffs irritably, and runs his fingers through the irreparably frizzy mess of his curls,and just opts to tie it up again before leaving.

  
He’ll pick up some baby oil from the next planet they land on, because he is _not_ going to cut his hair.

 

**-Hux-**

  
Kylo returns after probably two hours, and Hux really doesn’t want to think about what the guy must’ve been getting up to in that shower of his as he tries to sip his Bactade and heal his throat.

  
He sits down in the pilot’s seat beside Hux, scrubbed clean and pink with his hair an unexpectedly frizzy mess, and overrides the autopilot with a few jabs of his fingers.

  
No force yet, then.

  
Hux purses his lips and looks the other man over slowly.

  
He’s wearing a casual jedi style tunic that he probably picked up while they were still on Tattooine, and is looking pretty inconspicuous for a wannabe sith lord.

  
“Are we going to another desert rock.” He rasps quietly, not really in the mood for another excursion into the galaxy’s badlands tonight.

  
“No.” Kylo responds simply. “An ice planet.”

  
Hux whines miserably at that. “But it’s freezing.”

  
Kylo growls.

  
“You can wear my old cloak, you’ll be fine.”

  
“I’m not leaving the ship.” He retorts.

  
“Yes, you are.”

  
He whines again and sinks back in his chair.

  
“What for?!”

  
“For me to get a new kyber crystal.”

  
“ _Why_?”

  
“I need to replace my saber.”

  
Hux glowers harshly. “You keep saying that but I’ve yet to see any actual proof of it having been broken.”

  
“It’s always been broken.”

  
“You mean to tell me that your lightsaber is in exactly the same condition it has been for the past fifteen years and you’ve just _chosen_ not to use it anymore.”

  
Ren rolls his eyes, but doesn’t humor that with a response, as he turns back to the control panel instead and starts typing again.

  
Hux rubs his throat weakly, and swallows another bitter mouthful of Bactade, before speaking up again a few minutes later.

  
“What color are you gonna get.”

  
“My first saber was blue.” He responds absently. “Jedi with destructive personalities often get blue. They become soldiers.”

  
Hux inhales irritably, but doesn’t question the talk of “jedi” as he tries to save his breath for more productive topics of conversation.

  
“And when will we arrive?”

  
“Three hours. But we won’t be able to go to the cave until tomorrow.”

  
“How long will we be there.”

  
Kylo shrugs.

  
“Less than a day, traditionally, but contrary to popular legend, nothing happens if you stay longer. It just gets cold.”

 

**-Kylo-**

  
Kylo never went to Ilum as a child. The map to the crystal cave was lost at the end of the clone wars, and Luke never managed to find it, even with the counsel of his old dead masters helping him out with it. Kylo only managed to track it down once he was in the First Order, because of their vast store of stolen contraband information, and it’s possible that it won’t even be there anymore.

  
And so, as they land, and he sees that the temple is still surrounded in ice as it was always rumored to be, he lets out a sigh of relief, and blows the frozen water away with the ship’s blasters.

  
Hux flinches at the loud avalanche of ice and snow, but Kylo ignores him as he glances over, and narrows his eyes.

  
“Don’t go wandering around, okay? I don’t want to have to track you down.”

  
Hux glares, packing a bag with rations and a medkit, and growls hoarsely.

  
“What happens if I _don’t_ hurry.”

  
“I’ll leave you here and take the ship.”

  
He gulps, paling a couple shades, and nods.

  
In all honesty, Kylo wasn’t planning to take Hux with him, but since he isn’t sure what’s going on with Snoke and the whole force choking thing, he wants to keep the guy at an arm’s length, and so, has chosen to drag him along while he finds a crystal.

“I hope you’re not claustrophobic, Cameron.”

  
Hux’s eyes narrow at the use of his first name, and he sneers.

  
“I’m not. Are you?”

  
Kylo doesn’t respond.


	5. I am my own man, I make my own luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little longer to finish than intended, lol, because I decided to rewrite it after watching "The Gathering" episode of clone wars, and then began writing a fic for the Kylux Big Bang over on Tumblr.  
> This is, however, where things start getting exciting, so it'll be easier for me to write from here on out, lol.

**-Hux-**

  
It’s freezing and he doesn’t like it.

Also Kylo is a fucking wreck and it’s irritating.

He literally shot the front of the temple off with the ship’s blasters, breaking the ice around it and causing an avalanche, and then haphazardly stormed inside, scoffing petulantly at the wall of ice awaiting him.

“It was all nonsense after all!” He had exclaimed cryptically, before slicing a hole through it with his lightsaber, which seems to be sputtering at an alarming rate. “Makes _my_ life easier, in any case.”

Wrapped in some blankets and Ren’s old robes, Hux hesitantly follows the man in as he steps into the hall on the other side and looks around.

"How long are we staying here?"

"A day, assuming you don't get lost."

Hux huffs.

“I have no intention of wandering around in the cold for hours on end, so don’t worry. I’ll stay here with my blankets.”

“Good! So don’t leave this spot. This is the only entrance and exit, and it takes a force sensitive to find their way out once they get lost.”

“Are you _planning_ on getting lost?”

“Records have it that everyone gets lost in these caves.”

“Reassuring.”

Ren rolls his eyes and storms off down the corridor without further comment, causing ice shards to rain down from the ceiling and the room to shudder.

  
***

This place is miserable.

Hux had fully intended to sit tight as he had promised, not too keen on leaving the warmth of his blankets in the first place, but the thawing of some ice above him made for an uncomfortably drippy resting spot, and so, he grumpily decides to move after all.

Getting up, still sore from last night, and not feeling too hot, he makes a poor effort in trying to move all of the blankets. Only to give up and instead settle on just one, which he pulls around his shoulders and warms himself with as he steps a few feet into the room.

He doesn’t like being a sitting duck, and would much rather take these things into his own hands. In fact, he’s almost a hundred percent certain that he’ll be able to find some crystals before Ren does.

And if he does, he’ll be able to sell them.

 

**-Ren-**

He hadn’t expected this to be so troublesome. Knees skinned and bleeding, fingers frozen and cracking, he climbs yet another ledge and hoists himself up with a grunt.

He’s not entirely sure what he’s supposed to be looking for. He had expected his crystal to “call out to him” so to speak, but so far, he’s heard nothing, and has just been blindly searching.

What would happen if he just took one of these white ones?

For all he knows the whole “glowing chosen crystal” thing is just jedi superstition, and kids have just been making up their stories about them for years now so that nobody finds out they “cheated” and just grabbed the first one they saw.

He rubs his aching side grumpily, and exhales.

He better not die in here.

 

**-Hux-**

Well this is disorienting.

He’s picked up four or five crystals just lying around, but when that proved to be a boring task, he decided to return back to his blanket nest, only to realize he had no idea where he was.

“Everyone gets lost, indeed.” He gripes weakly, glancing up at the space above his head, where he thinks he came down from.

He’s bleeding, scraped and bruised from his multiple slips on the ice, but is fairly certain that he’ll be able to get himself back up if he just-

Okay, no, he’s fucking lost.

Damn, is Kylo gonna have a field day with this.

 

**-Kylo-**

After slipping and effectively cracking his jaw against the ground, Kylo gives up.

Sort of.

Less gives up and more realizes that he actually should have waited until the force came back to him to do this. Because that’s likely the problem here and he’s probably gonna end up lost himself, because of it.

He sighs, and closes his eyes.

He’ll grab a crystal and see what happens later.

They’re just power sources. If they had any more significance than that, jedi wouldn’t be able to use each others sabers. Nor would the crystals themselves be on the blackmarket.

He had just hoped to do things the correct way for once.

He’ll pick any up that he sees on the way back. But he doubts a lesson in blind faith is what the caves are hoping to teach him.

 

**-Hux-**

The ex-general hears the familiar heavy footsteps of Kylo nearing his current location, and lets out a sigh of relief as he stands up and wonders where the man is.

“Hey, Ren!” He calls out, but no response comes as the footsteps intensify, and then start to fade in the opposite direction.

He gulps.

“Ren?!”

No response.

Shit.

 

**-Ren-**

When Ren returns to the entry room, he finds, little to his surprise but much to his chagrin, that Hux has disappeared.

He growls and collapses into the blanket pile himself, seething.

He’s not even gonna bother looking for the guy.

Hux can go fuck himself.

He couldn’t care less what happens to him.

Not at all.

 

**-Hux-**

 

He is _not_ claustrophic!

He just doesn’t like being helpless.

He swallows, and glances back up the collapsed half of the tunnel again, and allows a pitiful whine to escape from his throat.

Ren isn’t even looking for him!

He’s probably taken the ship and ditched!

Kriff!

He punches an ice-laden wall, and curses under his breath, shaking the now bruising appendage to ease the pain.

 _Pull it together._ He thinks to himself. _Just be patient and he’ll come looking for you. He_ has _to, he’s your only hope now._

Kriff, this sucks.

 

**-Ren-**

He is _not_ worried about Hux. It’s only been, what? Four hours and seventeen minutes?

Who’s even counting?

Not him!

He kicks a block of ice across the floor in the midst of his pacing and lets out a litany of curses.

Fucking blue-blood getting lost. He’s probably dead.

He turns heel and marches back into the cave.

He’ll find him and make him sorry he ever left in the first place!

 

**-Hux-**

 Kriff it’s cold. He rubs his arms stiffly, teeth chattering, and regrets only having brought the one small blanket, which is now, unfortunately, buried beneath a bunch of snow.

 He hears the familiar sound of Ren’s footsteps approaching just as he had before, the weight of their reverberations shuddering throughout the entire cave as he tries to force his voice out through his uncooperative teeth.

 “R...Ren!” He calls, rushing in the direction he hears the sounds coming from. “Ren please! I know you hear me!”

 When the footsteps don’t even stop or slow, he realizes that that may not be true, and frustrated tears spark in his eyes as he slams his fist into the wall again.

 “Kylo! I need you to help me out of here!”

 The footsteps fade completely and he falls to his knees.

 The world punishing him, he thinks. An ironic death, to say the least.

 He’s lived in fear of variables and losing control, and will now die, locked away in a cave, relying on the dumb luck of Kylo Ren to come save him.

 He’s not sure what possesses him to use Ren’s alias, but he does, and pitifully calls, “Ben! Where the fuck are you?!”

 

**-Ben-**

He’s a little scared.

And he doesn’t know why.

What will he do if he never finds Hux?!

Why does that thought make him so unhappy?

“Goddamnit Ben!” Hux’s voice jumps out at him so suddenly that he startles, slamming around on his heels, to face a wall he hadn’t really checked out before.

He doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it, but he can now see the vague shadow of someone on the other side, through the frosted, thick structure caking it, slumped up against a wall.

He lets out a sigh of relief, and approaches.

“Hux can you hear me?”

The form twitches, standing, likely verifying this, and hurriedly presses its hands to the wall, though no words are spoken.

Kylo looks the ice over for a moment, and calls over, “I’m gonna break this ice, okay, Hux? Step back.”

Again verifying this, Hux steps some paces back, while Ben does the same from the other side, before grabbing a rock from the ground and rushing the pane with his full weight.

 

**-Hux-**

He shields himself from Ren’s blow, his elation not lasting nearly long enough before the man bursts through the ice and causes it to shrapnel and cut both of their faces and outfits in effect.

He growls, frustration and exhaustion welling up as he resists the urge to punch Ren, and stomps over to his side.

“Took you long enough!”

Ren isn’t looking at him, though, and is rather, gazing blankly at the floor to the right of him, at the five crystals Hux sat there earlier.

“I've found it.”

Hux forgets his anger momentarily, and smirks.

“See what?”

“You won’t see it...it’s…” He sighs without explaining further, and bends down to pluck something out from the pile, and when he opens his hand, two crystals are revealed. One glowing, and one not.

Hux blinks in surprise, looking at it, not entirely certain which one is the original and which Ren already had, though something tells him that the glowing one is _his._

“What did you do to it? Is this some kind of force thing?”

Ren’s eyes go wide.

“What do you see?”

“It’s glowing, smartass, why is it glowing?”

"Which one?"

He points, and the knight swallows thickly, closing his hand around the crystals in apparent dismay as he bends down to recover the others and put them in his other pocket.

“You’re bleeding.”

Hux swears, and wipes a hand over the oozing cuts littering his cheek in dismay.

 

**-?-**

Hux had pointed to the crystal that wasn’t glowing at all to him. And the prospect of that is strangely alarming.

Had Hux just been lying? Trying to play it off from what he’d read about in books so that he didn’t look silly? Or had he been serious, and the cave had actually granted him a crystal as well, after locking him in that cave and forcing him to wait for Kylo to save him.

Kylo had found his crystal _by_ saving Hux. From the pile of them that the man had recovered and presumably gotten lost for.

And Hux had presumably found the crystal that _Kylo_ had recovered, after allowing Kylo to rescue him.

After allowing _Ben_ to rescue him.

He had called him Ben.

Why?

 

**-Rey-**

“I think I can sense him again.” Rey murmurs, frowning to herself. “I _see_ him...but it’s like he’s looking outside of his own body.”

Luke frowns thoughtfully at that.

“ _I_ don’t...perhaps he’s cloaking himself from me, or perhaps you’re looking through his companion?”

“His companion?” She asks in amused disbelief. “You mean General Hux?”

“Indeed. It’s always a possibility. Many people are unwitting vessels to the force. And a weak force bond is more common than one would expect. Many stormtroopers and First Order members are force sensitive. The connection is, however, medicated out of them and suppressed the moment it is recognized, meaning the majority of them never even know.”

Rey grimaces at that horrific thought, and nods as she tries to focus in on this alleged signature from Hux, as she notices that this new pulse appears to be heavily rooted in an object.

“What does a kyber crystal look like?”

Luke cocks a brow.

“It’s more how they feel than how they look that makes them special. What are you sensing?”

“Not sensing.” She corrects. “I can see Kylo holding it. It’s glowing. There are two but only one is glowing.”

Luke looks impressed, but doesn’t comment on her clairvoyance in the end.

“What else do you see?”

“Nothing much. Kylo looks surprised. I can’t hear what they’re saying, though, but I could try.”

“No need, I can take over from here. This was merely a test of your abilities." Luke muses. "Go do some saber forms - you look like you’re going to keel over from boredom.”

She snorts softly.

“Well, since you twisted my arm."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also apparently people are speculating that Starkiller was actually built ON Ilum, so if that turns out to be true, I apologize in advance for my unfortunate ficwriting skills
> 
> Also the thing with Ilum for those of you who don't know is that you kind of have to overcome your own personal weakness or fear in order to earn your crystal. So for Kylo I was kind of going for him just accepting he has basic human emotions/worries about Hux, and for Hux it was all about giving up control and allowing himself to wait on blind faith.  
> 


	6. Rhinestone Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little longer to write than intended, with the other things I'm working on
> 
> but I like how it turned out, so there's that

**-Hux-**  
**-Three Months Later-**

There’s just something about this ship that makes him woozy. Maybe it’s the stabilizers, or maybe it’s the artificial gravity, but he seems to spend so much more of his time curled up in bed, miserable, than he does doing anything productive.

“I miss Upsilon class shuttles.” He whines pitifully, as Ben sits down beside him on their mattress, and runs a soothing hand over the nape of his neck.

“We’ll get a better ship soon.” He murmurs back reassuringly, before pulling his hand away after a moment to instead fiddle with the head of a practically ancient architect droid he found.

Hux isn’t entirely sure of the droid’s purpose, just that Ben’s spent months looking for it, and that its probably related to the man's sudden inexplicable interest in jedi culture and traditions.

They found it tucked away in a forgotten, backwater resistance base, rusted over and in need of some serious repairs, and it's been quite the process getting it back into shape.

Hux rolls over sluggishly, to face the other man, and notes how shiny and new the head now looks, compared to when he last saw it.

“Are you nearly finished with that?” He asks faintly.

Ben nods, picking at the old fried wiring inside. “It just needs a new power source. I’ll install it in the morning.”

“Mmm, and could we program it to be a protocol droid?”

“You _would_ hope for a protocol droid.”

“Well _somebody_ has to do the chores around here.” He grumbles back, screwing his eyes shut in frustration. “I’m too fucking sick to.”

Ben chuckles quietly at his exclamation, and reaches over again to touch the other man, this time placing his hand on Hux’s forehead, where he smooths the hair back almost adoringly.

A nice, soothing sensation washes over Hux, simple, but clear, in a way that quells his dizzyness, and he exhales in relief.

It’s really all the once-powerful knight can manage anymore, and Hux knows that all he’s really doing is making _himself_ feel sick so that Hux doesn’t have to, but at the moment, he doesn't really care.

Ben groans weakly at the transfer, and tosses the droid head onto the nightstand, where he then moves to curl up into Hux’s side and close his eyes for the evening.

Hux nuzzles into his peculiar warmth in kind, already starting to nod off now that his head has stopped spinning, and lets out a small sigh of contention.  
***

When Hux wakes the following morning, the ship has stalled, and Ben is assembling the droid in the corner of the room.

It’s a tall, rusted silver thing, of an antique model, and looks far too tacky for his taste.

Ben finally shoves a power cell into it and it stutters on, eyes alight with yellow sensors, and an unpleasant whirring sound as all of its gears go into effect for the first time in force knows how long.

Hux watches it curiously, sitting up in the bed, now that the ship is no longer moving and his equilibrium is actually getting a break, and watches the droid run through its basic startup protocols for a while.

After five minutes, it finally comes to a halt, flickering off for just a second as Ben moves stand in front of it, and then back on for good as some semblance of consciousness sparks in its blank droid eyes.

It glances around the room, and then at Hux on the bed, before its attention lands finally on Ben in front of it.

“Ben Solo?” It asks, clearly familiar with him in some way, as it edges closer on its tracks. "Is that you?"

Ben takes a step back, if only to save his feet from getting run over, and narrows his eyes.

“Run a search of my name.”

The droid almost looks put out by the order. “And why should I do that?”

“Because I’m hardly who you think I am, anymore, and you should be aware of who you'll be working with from now on.”

It seems as if to contemplate this, but then waves vaguely at nothing.

“I am merely programmed to build lightsabers. I have no interest in your personal affiliations.”

Judging by the response, Hux gets the feeling it _did_ look him up, and is just dismissing it because it wants to do something more productive than argue ethics.

The redhead sits up straighter, rubbing his eyes, and asks, “Is that your job, droid? Building lightsabers?”

It glances over at him.

“I am Huyang, the architect droid. My programming specializes in lightsaber construction, and I am a teacher to younglings of the jedi order. As of such I dearly hope that at least _one_ of you is planning to utilize me for that purpose.”

Hux frowns, not sure in the least what Ben’s goals are for this droid, and glances over at the man, who is now looking at him in turn.

“We will _both_ be making lightsabers." He intones. "But neither of us are particularly force sensitive, so we have to learn manually.”

It practically laughs at that.

“Then I suppose I have nothing to fear from either of you. To think, you were always supposed to be the strong one.”

Ben huffs irritably at that, but lets it go, as he glances over at Hux again, still resting on the bed.

“ _He_ probably has more potential than me by this point. He just needs trained.”

Hux scoffs at that thought.

He can barely even levitate a cup.

Ben's imagining shit.  
***

Hux has a natural knack for building things, it seems. He already knew this, but he’d anticipated a lightsaber to be a little harder since it’s jedi nonsense, and he doesn’t understand that stuff.

It seems, however, that the overall design is fairly similar to a blaster, or even his Starkiller, with the way its core works to funnel the energy of the crystal, and so, he has very little trouble figuring it all out within seconds of looking over the pieces.

He makes a point of waiting, though, because it’s obvious Ben’s having a considerable amount of trouble with it, and decides that he doesn't particularly want to piss the man off, today.

Ben acquired the supplies to build five different lightsabers from the storage unit that they found Huyang in, and so, Hux was given the opportunity to choose his own saber.

He chose one that reminded him most of his old blaster. All hard edges and a no-slip grip. Whereas Kylo seemed clueless as to which one _he_ wanted, until Huyang walked him through the process of it.

He’d asked something along the lines of, “What helps you relate most to the force?" and then when Ben said something stupid, he'd continued with, "Not how you access it, but what it was to you when you first discovered it as a child, before your training tainted your impression of it.”

Cowed, and looking a little frustrated, Ben chose a shockingly simple, but almost disgustingly cobbled together piece from the pile. If Hux were to guess, it was built from the pieces of refurbished ones, and truly fits the man's aesthetic.

This theory is further proven when Ben ends up breaking open his old lightsaber to retrieve a piece from it that wasn’t included in the new kit.

His red crystal skitters across the ground.

Huyang hardly casts it a second glance, too busy building the three _other_ lightsabers they had, while Ben stares blankly at it in turn.

There’s an odd glint in his eye, like he wants to do something with it, but he seems to think better of whatever it is, because in the end all he does is pick it up from the floor, and then shove it into Huyang’s hand.

“Put this in your storage.”

“It will taint the other two crystals.” He retorts.

“Then save one of them.” Ben grumbles back. “But leave the other. It will make a good starter seed for a new red blade.”

Huyang shakes his head disapprovingly, at what must surely be a sacrilegious statement, and yet, surprisingly, does as he’s bid, and pops open the compartment in his chest, where he’s been keeping the other crystals that Hux gathered up in the cave for a few hours now.

The ex-general would complain, but he himself is a bit fascinated to see what will happen to them, and just watched intently. Will the change will be visible? Or is it just superstition?

“Leave them both in.” He pipes up, when Huyang pulls out the larger of the two. “I want to see what will happen.”

Huyang shakes his head dramatically, before popping the compartment shut, and turning back to Ben.

“Whatever, you wretches. Get back to your building. A lightsaber is of no use to anybody if it hasn’t been built.”

Ben grumbles irritably at that, but doesn’t argue, as he sits back down again, in his pile of saber parts.  
***

Hux gets bored of waiting, and so, builds his lightsaber, finally.

He does, however, promise not to turn it on and see the color until Ben is done, and as a result, ends up pulling it apart and rebuilding it six different times, until he’s about as good at it as he was with his blaster.

Ben wraps the hilt of his saber in cloth, due to its lack of a grip, and presents it to Huyang, who has thus far informed him on his past three attempts that he’s liable to blow his hand off with his various mishandlings.

This time, however, after scanning it, the droid nods approvingly, and finally turns off the blueprint that it’s been projecting onto the floor at Ben’s feet.

“Good job. Now to see your colors.”

Hux, now suddenly nervous, grips the hilt of his blade awkwardly, while he watches Ben, like the natural he is, flick his own weapon on.

The lights shut off, thanks to Huyang, and the room is bathed in green.”

Relieved laughter burst from the man holding the blade.

“Oh thank the force, it isn’t blue!”

Hux snorts despite himself, well aware of how much Ben despises blue lightsabers for some reason, and studies the pretty color in mild awe.

Ben looks very good in it.

In that same vein of thought, though, he grimaces.

 _His_ better not be blue. That would look dreadful against his complexion.

No longer able to wait, he turns away to clumsily flick his own on.

More green bathes the scene.

He frowns thoughtfully at it, gently handling the blade as he would in fencing.

“What does green even mean?”

“Supposedly the thoughtful sorts get it. The jedi who are meant to ponder the purpose of the force, and question the light and dark. But Ilum only offers blue and green crystals anyway, so I wouldn’t think too much of it. The qualifications for each color are ridiculously broad.”

“What would happen if we turned on the other lightsabers, then?”

“They would all be green.” He says calmly, as his blade twirls a bit in the darkness, far more confidently than Hux's as he bears no fear of burning himself. “They lack color until a personality uses it. Non imprinted sabers cost a pretty penny, Hux.”

Hux blinks in surprise at that, glancing over at Huyang’s collection of sabers in the corner.

“Interesting.”

“Indeed. I imagine the majority of the people we sell to will get blue, though. Brutes and thugs. Untrained users who merely want a weapon.”

Hux sputters in alarm at that. “We are _not_ selling them to thugs!”

“What? Why not?” He laughs, sounding much like he does when he's being a little shit just to get under the redhead's skin.

Regardless, Hux frowns, glancing away as he turns his own blade off.

“They’re currently rare and valuable weapons. Owning one makes a person seem elite. If we sell them to the scum of the outer rim, then it will only reduce the value of our own.”

“You always _were_ such a classist, Ginger. But have it your way, I imagine the nobles will pay better for them. Though the money hardly matters by this point.”

Hux laughs dryly.

It’s true that they don’t really need money anymore, with what Hux stole from the Order, and drained into his own account, but that money is too official for people out here, who only want their planet’s own brand of currency and won’t tolerate credit.

“Where will we sell them at?”

“Naboo or Corellia.”

"I should have guessed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huyang's become their sassy nanny  
> it's official
> 
> Also since Kylo didn't get a POV this chapter, I'll be doing that next chapter so we can get more of his thoughts on things  
> #Hux just inner monologued too much

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to stalk me on my tumblr at kevin-the-chicken.tumblr.com, and if you liked the fic, kudos or comment uvu <3, I love hearing from you guys


End file.
